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To all the humans I ghosted: I am truly sorry.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like you; there wasn’t anything wrong with you at all. But honestly, our connection was fairly mid! We both knew it, too. I was hemming and hawing about seeing you, and the indecision led me to forget. Sometimes, when I remember I never got back to you, I wonder if I should send an “I’m sorry,” three months later, out of the blue! But I imagine my ghosting doesn’t haunt you.
Now that I have been ghosted, I wonder, how would you have felt if I just admitted to you, “I think our connection is mid”? Or what if I told you directly, “I like your face, your jokes are great, but when our genitals meet, I don’t feel much heat”?
I so desperately wish my ghoster had told me whatever it was! “Your face is pretty, but your body’s not hot.” “You seem very nice, but you don’t turn me on.” “I was excited about you, but then along came another someone.” I wouldn’t have been hurt. I’m a goddamn adult. I would have been relieved! I know our connection was mid! But now I have to sit with this ghost on my shoulder, whispering mean messages into my ear. “You sent the wrong text!” “You’re a loser in bed!” “You make weird faces!” “You give bad head!”
So Seattle, I beg you, be gentle to your fellow humans, tell them you’d just rather be friends!
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