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Happy Halloween, you little ghouls: I have compiled an especially spooky, scary morning news for you. Except, not really. These are just the regular headlines. Because every day is hell.
The Scariest Thing This Halloween: Amazon CEO Andy Jassy explained the recent 14,000-person tech layoffs (2,303 of which hit Seattle Amazonians). He said the reason wasn’t financial nor was it about AI. Instead, it was culture. He said the company grew fast, hired faster, and now had too many “layers.” This is not the way to operate, apparently. With so many people the company can’t “be flat and… move fast.” The culture Jassy speaks of is this: Amazon is not in the business of people, but of course, in the business of profit. Too many people bogs down the profit. This year, Amazon reported $180.2 billion and Amazon Web Services reported $33 billion in sales. It is never enough. After the layoffs, Amazon’s stock ticked up 14%.
Watch Out, This Could Be You:
Man Wouldn’t Have Worn Costume To Work If He’d Known He Was Getting Laid Off
— The Onion (@theonion.com) October 31, 2025 at 7:01 AM
Another Halloween Fright: Traffic will be bad for those of you stuck in your little cars. Take a bus or a train to your Halloween party. The I-5 Ship Canal Bridge construction will continue this weekend in the southbound lanes. Rain won’t stop that mess. Rain could stop the planned construction on I-405. If it doesn’t, then prepare for multiple northbound lane closures between Northeast 124th Street and Northeast 160th Street. Annnnnd all westbound lanes on I-90 from Mercer Island to Seattle are closing Friday night through early Saturday morning.
The real horror: Halloween is the day the most child pedestrian deaths happen in the US. Don’t drive your stupid car tonight in the stupid rain and hit any stupid kids. I’m warning you!
Happy Halloween!!!
Reminder that Halloween is the most dangerous day of the year for pedestrians, so:
1. Don’t drive
2. If you must drive, slow down!
3. Longer term, advocate for more walkability where you live— Kevin Verhoff (@kevinverhoff.bsky.social) October 31, 2024 at 1:44 AM
Something Wicked This Way Comes: Trick or Treaters beware. An atmospheric river-like weather system will unleash a soggy hell on this evening’s festivities and the weekend that follows. It’ll be gushers only in your candy pail. Cause of the rain.
Darkness Falls: The clocks roll back starting Sunday morning at 2 a.m. Winter is readying its cold, spindly fingers around our necks. After this weekend, sunset will fall at a dastardly 4:49 p.m.
In Skeleton News: Flava Flav has been anointed the official hype man for the US bobsled and skeleton teams in the 2026 Winter Olympics. In case you, like me, forgot there are Olympics next year, there are and they will be held in Milan and Cortina d’Ampezzo, Italy.
Stripping Prince Andrew: No! No! Not like that. Well, a little like that? Britain’s King Charles has started the process of severing his brother‘s ties with the monarchy. The now-almost-ex prince has been mired in controversy over his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein. The scandal of being friends with a serial sex pest creep reached new heights recently after Epstein victim Virginia Giuffre’s posthumous memoir alleged Andrew assaulted her when she was a teen. Andrew denied these allegations. Not enough! No princely titles and no more lodging at royal estates for you, buddy.
Trump Calls for the End of the Filibuster: President Donald Trump would like the shutdown to end. Not through compromise, of course. On Truth Social, Trump screamed, “INITIATE THE ‘NUCLEAR OPTION,’ GET RID OF THE FILIBUSTER.” Overcoming a filibuster in the full Senate requires 60 votes. The Republicans hold 53 seats in the Senate. To abolish the filibuster as a whole would change how the Senate does debate. Democrats continue to block the measure that would fund the government because they’re fighting for the reinstatement of healthcare subsidies so Americans don’t suffer even more exorbitant insurance costs. Trump called getting rid of the filibuster the Senate GOP’s “TRUMP CARD.” The GOP fears eliminating the filibuster could hurt them if the Democrats ever regain control of Congress.
Whatever happens, it’ll be too late to save SNAP benefits before they run dry on Nov. 1. The government shutdown has lasted 31 days. It will at least last a few more. Senators left D.C. without making any deals. Millions of people will have to deal with their SNAP benefits lapsing tomorrow. However, there is a shred of hope. A federal judge from Massachusetts will decide Friday whether the Trump administration must continue to fund food stamps during the shutdown.
Justice? Some Senators couldn’t get home last night after their long day of not re-opening the government. Why? Shutdown-induced delays at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport.
Melissa Kills 49: Hurricane Melissa killed 30 people in Haiti, and 20 people are still missing. In Jamaica, Melissa’s death toll reached 19. The now-Category 2 storm steered mostly clear of Bermuda, which experienced her wrath as a strong tropical storm.
Illinois Advocates Sue Feds: Attorneys with the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) of Illinois and the MacArthur Justice Center have sued Immigrations and Custom Enforcement for its treatment of detainees. According to the suit, ICE officials have blocked detainees from contacting lawyers, deprived them of food and medical treatment, and forced them to sign papers relinquishing their rights.
Have you voted yet? Well, do it. We made this video to make it really easy. And we made these endorsements to make it even easier. You have until Tuesday night at 8 p.m. to return your ballot to a King County ballot dropbox. If you’re mailing your ballot, do it today.
We Have the Louvre Heist at Home: Thieves nabbed more than 1,000 items from the Oakland Museum of California’s off-site storage facility. They stole metalwork jewelry, Native American baskets, scrimshaw walrus tusks, and 20th century sports memorabilia. We are in a heist heyday!
A Long Read: Rich liberal family hires part-time live-in nanny for their child at their upstate New York home. The nanny gets kind of weird, then refuses to leave.
I hate when this happens! A Kentucky woman opened a package expecting the medicine she had ordered. Instead, she found “arms and fingers.” The county coroner said there had been a mishap with “an airline company, a freight company, and a courier.” The coroner picked up the arms and fingers from the woman and intended to return them to the courier so the arms and fingers can go to their intended recipient. It is unclear who ordered the arms and fingers and for what purpose. Likely, not for medicine.
Viva la France: A 77-year-old French cyclist fell 130 feet into a ravine and survived for three days thanks to the bottles of red wine he was toting in his grocery bags.
A Song for Your Halloween: It is really the only song to listen to today.
